You don't need a Mercedes

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story:

If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

Never Argue With

A couple goes on holiday to a fishing resort at Lakes Entrance. The
husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read.

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and
decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lakes area, the
wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance,
anchors, and continues to read her book. Along comes a fishing
inspector in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning ma'am. What
are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies thinking "isn't that obvious!"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start
at any moment. I'll have to take you in and make a report."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you," says the cop.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.............

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think